Queenkv’s Brainpickings

heck, like i need another one to watch over…..

ok - but tonight, I launch Bon Vivant: Eat, Drink, Play - my new blog on reviews and stuff like that. yeah. so. check it out. ok?

unlike my other weekends - i’m spending most of it at home. in the bay area. not driving 2-4 hours out of my way and racing to an event. it feels great. sleeping as long as i want. reading in bed, instead of getting up - no pressure to finish projects, updating blog. relaxing. what the hell does that mean?

(defn from m-w.com)

Main Entry: re�lax
Pronunciation: ri-’laks
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin relaxare, from re- + laxare to loosen, from laxus loose — more at SLACK

Date: 15th century
transitive senses
1 : to make less tense or rigid : SLACKEN
2 : to make less severe or stringent : MODIFY
3 : to make soft or enervated
4 : to relieve from nervous tension
intransitive senses
1 : to become lax, weak, or loose : REST
2 : to become less intense or severe

so relaxing for me entails shopping…at Frys - I needed a new laptop bag for my hand-me down laptop, from work. i talked myself out of buying a usb memory key chain and another external hard drive for my imac. i figured, with the 128 MB card in my camera, that should be enough for transfering any big files from my pc or my imac, to anywhere else. so screw that. no more spending for queenkv! it doesn’t sound relaxing, but i do like to window shop.

today, mark and i headed over to crockett for the lunch-brunch special at the dead fish. yummy. then we ended up at muir woods - walking for a bit. mark estimates that we walked about 4 miles, round trip, today. some folks didn’t make it out of the woods in one piece….i saw a park ranger hunched down next to a lexus car. inside, a girl had her ankle propped up and iced. i guess he was taking down a report for liablity’s sake. too many damn families in the wood, but it’s their prerogative. i guess. we found a few trails in which the baby strollers couldn’t follow us. they were unpaved. i have some neat pix from it all…..too damn lazy to bring over the usb cable. maybe tomorrow. it was soothing in the forrest. i suppose for the trees, all the visitors hiking back and forth are nothing more than ants, in a blink of an eye. since some redwoods are totally old, like really really ancient, well - human tourists probably don’t register as much in their memories. they’ve seen a lot more shit happen in those woods. yeah. something like that.

later, we chilled in a mill valley cafe - mark finished up his phillip k. dick book. i dove into the memoirs of a shy pornographer, by kenneth patchen (first published in 1945). i think mr. budd was retarded - but enlightened. still, it was engrossing and trippy - especially on whatever injection trip mr budd takes us on. when we were down at the Midnight Special Bookstore on 4th street, in Santa Monica, Mark encouraged me to pick up the book - based on the title alone.

Hey Folks…

Whenever I get the energy to do so…I note down my two cents on places I’ve visited, things I’ve tasted, and stuff I’ve enjoyed or hated. Now I’m going to see how I do on a blog totally devoted to such ramblings. Let’s see how it goes, ok? Oh yeah, and it’s not like a true monarchy - so feel free to sound off on whether or not you agree, ok? That’s what the comments are for.

Bon Vivant

(defn from m-w.com)
Etymology: French, literally, good liver
Date: circa 1695
: a person having cultivated, refined, and sociable tastes especially in respect to food and drink

The name is also inspired by Ang Lee’s Eat Drink Man Woman. One of my favorite films by this guy (my favorite film by him is his first: Pushing Hands)….he attended NYU with Spike Lee. According to my film professor - Ang Lee and Spike Lee won a bunch of film student awards during their academic careers. Ang Lee liked to joke that people kept getting them mixed up - “which Lee?”

It’s a lovely film about the passions and loves of one Chinese family and their only true connection is over the exotic dishes created each Sunday evening, by their father, a famous chef in that country. I adored how the food was served up in this film - it made my mouth water. I’m always hungry after watching the damn thing. This film doesn’t borrow from American sentimentality, when it comes to meal time and family (a la Soul Food, Beauty and the Beast, Fried Green Tomatoes, etc). Instead, it empathizes the lack of communication and affection that barely keeps the lid on the pot of simmering emotions: years of resentment, un-resolved issues, and fierce family loyalty. But all of the best meals must end. You get your doggie bag of goodies….don’t piss off Master Chu now, that food is till good! And well, the sisters and their father, they have to move on with their own lives, beyond the Sunday dinners and to their own families or destinies….sometimes both.

“This worry is what makes us a family.”–Chu to his daughters

and i found this site on Greg’s Digital Archive….amazing what you can do to a photograph…

so…sitting on the couch and watching the news….4 people were critically hurt after a plane crash at the festival landing strip next to Burning Man. mark came in with his laundry. it just finished it’s cycle in the dryer. so i told him about it. i looked up more on news.google.com and told him a few more details. apparently there was another person hurt in an earlier plan crash, same spot, on friday. so then mark said….”well, i said you can crash at the party, but i didn’t mean literally.”

was that tasteless?

argh….more recall news…..some of the candidates accuse the media of turning this election into a circus. then the editors cut to one independent candidate singing his heart out. yeah, they wander why it’s a circus. i’m quite disappointed by the lack of organization going into this recall - until somebody get’s a snazzy debate going, it’s difficult to distinguish anybody for their issues, platforms, and voices. it’s almost as bad as trying to pick out a democratic candidate for president. so it’s tough…..i’m against the recall because it’s truly a waste of money. but if i vote no - i lose my oppertunity to put in my say on who should be the replacement. it sucks how the vote is setup. you have to vote on whether or not to have the recall….and at the same time - choose a replacement.

What will a recall ballot look like?
It will be in two parts. In the first part, voters will vote for or against the recall. In the second part, the voter may select a replacement candidate. If a majority of the voters vote �yes� on the first question, then the recall is successful, and the replacement candidate who gets the most votes is elected for the unexpired term of office.

so….there’s that.

football started up at my alma matter….cal bears crushed Old Miss - 34 to 2…go bears!

Threat rating: Low. You are annoying, but too much
of a softy tree hugger to pose any threat to
the mighty machine of Republican progress. And
the FBI know where you live.

What threat to the Bush administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Unconscious mutterings

this is me…

1. Bay:: Birdge
2. Boarding school:: Ice Castles
3. Riddle:: Me This
4. Hunger::Heal the World, Make it a Better Place… (with a thick pinoy accent)
5. Allergy:: tomatoes - don’t like them
6. Sponsored:: by Nintendo
7. Spin:: me round like a record
8. Interest:: me to a duel? how dare you! my thumb sir!
9. Scrabble:: can’t spell
10. Mold::can’t rot!

this is mark!

1. Bay::bridge
2. Boarding school::couch
3. Riddle::joker
4. Hunger::strike
5. Allergy::medicne
6. Sponsored::by
7. Spin::the bottle
8. Interest::like
9. Scrabble::board game
10. Mold::fungus

yeah a haze of exhaustion, frustration, and just down right pissy…..it’s been a long week….i hate you hackers…

die hackers die

so…mark and i went to applebees last night and we were talking….over the pile of dirty dishes left behind by our server. i kept trying to motion to him that we’re finished here. that he could clear out the appetizer plate and my bowl of soup. i guess he was busy. or dense. after a glance around, i also noticed how there were several bigger tables and mouths to feed. i figured he was just dividing his attention towards the big tippers, with more mouths to feed. heck, it’s the restaurant business, i know how tips work.

so, we were talking and somehow, we got to the issue of writing. i mentioned that i didn’t have it into me to write with a pen…not lately. most of my creative energy was going into my blog. then mark mentioned that he noticed this year, i didn’t write much. i guess he meant at home. after thinking about it some more, i realized that i was most likely afraid to write, with a pen - because it’s such an intimate and free form thing to do….and in those mind ramblings, i’ll probably remember everything that happened in april.

it was tramuatic enough to force myself to recall that incident and file the RSF complaint. i used a pen for that one. a month later, inside a cramp office at UCPD - i typed out another complaint and spent over 2 hours with a male officer, refining for cop-legal-lingo. it was more specific. it was more painful. so, probably, because of that - i’m at a creative block….or drain. like i said, i only have energy for my blog and when i have too - for otr. in my journal, i only have one sentence about that incident. when i took a week off from work, i couldn’t bear writing about it. i’m avoiding it and it’s draining all my energy. i’m deflecting it through working my ass of and it’s wearing me down. it’s still there, on the edges of my mind and soul and i don’t want to face it.

i took a big step in therapy, to stop blaming myself for what happened. i don’t punish myself for it - afterall, the asshole isn’t suffering for it. he was interogated by ucpd a few weeks ago. he called me a liar….what a jerk. but no, i’m not guilt trippin’ on this - i was the victim. it’s difficult to say, because i don’t admitting weakness. but it’s one of the few ways i can resolve what went down in april. it’s not my fault. i didn’t ask for this.

what do i want? i want my writing muse back. i want my inspiration. i want my courage to speak my mind and to explore my heart. i have to get over this trauma. i have to let myself heal. how do i do that without falling apart? it’s so damn painful to think about it. i will think about it, if i try to journal my thoughts again, with a pen. at least in front of a computer, there’s a certain amount of disconnect. it’s not as intimate. i’m safe, on this side of the monitor. with paper - your defenses are paper-thin against one of the most dangerous foes in the world: your mind.

it’s all in my mind. i want to get it out.

ok - i had a blast yesterday evening with mark. we celebrated our three year anniversary…..we had a lovely dinner at Mecca, watched Phantom of the Opera at the Orpheum Theater, and re-visited the first bar we hit together, the Hush Hush…..

it was really nice.

three years ago…i sent this to mark

-kristina

i went down to my bro’s OCS graduation….

he’s a
Second LT, now.

I’m so proud of him.