Queenkv’s Brainpickings

i guess i’m the only one responsible for myself….betina only wants to know if i’m at the point of killing myself. ditto with my cousin - one of the only people in my family who knows what happened to me.

buffy…i WANT to be buffy….sound so loud….called betina and jennie….told them don’t worry….i’ll take care of myself……i’ll just take care of myself…finished all wine…wished Mark would …he isn’t online. guess he doesn’t want to help me….damn it,…..want to enjoy myself…..pretend i’m a lady. pretend i’m beautiful…guess i’m now.

watching “Kissing Jessica Stein”….left work early - probably throwing my chances at part-time with Haas…..

[Josh is confronting Jessica after she made a private phone call.]
Josh: You a little jumpy today Stein?
Jessica: No.
Josh: You got a hot date?
Jessica: No.

Josh: Yeah. Who’s the guy?
Jessica: There’s no guy.
Josh: Oh come on, you’re a terrible, terrible liar.
Jessica: Trust me, there’s no guy.

Jessica isn’t exactly looking for happiness….she likes to run from these things.

Josh: ….I think the problem is with you….”
yeah - I guess so.

i miserable….i wish i could go back to that day - the day after my bro’s graduation. i was so happy. it felt like everything was going for me. now…i’m trying to forget everything….good going…i’m an idiot…

i’m such a fucking moron - i just spilled my smirnoff ice. argh. oh well - gottta get more booze.

i guess i don’t react well when somebody forces me to do something. i thought mark did that to me today. i didn’t know…i thought i could ask him - my calves killed from hankido…

his justification - he wanted to get me to my meeting ontime. i tried to tell him - i guess i didn’t get it across. but yeah….he blew up in my face - i was needling him…i guess i shouldn’t have told him. i guess i should have kept my mouth shut. like what happened to me. like what fucking happened to me. i didn’t say anything…it just happened. i’m a fucking moron. i deserve to get yelled at. why the hell do i let this get to me?

i was so happy…