i used to hate the ending to “Gone with the Wind” as Scarlett looks up to the sky and through her tears, she proclaims “Tomorrow is another day.”
It makes sense now.
I feel better. Sleep helped. Yoga got out of bed. Working on another story got my mind off of yesterday.
i feel raw, like my skin has been torn off and somebody poured salt over my exposed nerves…
saw “The Passion of Christ”. wrote a news reaction to piece it. it struck some deep and fragile chord inside….difficult to get my act together….filed the story before my 3:30 deadline….at 3:29:27. my prof was worried I wouldn’t be in shape to write the story after seeing the movie.
“I never miss a deadline,” I said.
i felt good about meeting the deadline, but emotionally exhausted from the film.
now he expects me to interview somebody in charge of the reconcillation efforts for sexual abuse victims in the Catholic Church.
I couldn’t breathe in that news room. I think I did a good job hiding my shattered well-being with a professional stride to the bathroom.in the bathoom. cried. someone saw me. she promised not to say anything.
grabbed my gear and left the news room, without saying good-bye.
i don’t know what to do. what to say.
i can’t go through it again. i’m not ready. i don’t want to hear about other people’s experiences with sexual abuse because i don’t want to live it again.
i called mark. cried. he told me he loved me and i hanged on to those words like a raft as i struggled to get back into the sanctuary of my dorm room.
drew the curtains, lit a purple candle. burrowed deep under my bed covers. i whispered to myself that i was decent person, that i’m not tainted. that i’m not a slut. still crying, thinking about how broken i felt. still struggling to believe its true. but mark loves me. i need that. i believe that. it’s a starting point to get back to having faith in myself. i know i haven’t lost any of the power and stablity i have built up inside, over the last few months. i probably need a little time and space to stop crying. i think i just have to let it out. i don’t know how long i can go keeping it button up inside, because now it feels like that shame and horror, those memories, are slipping between the cracks.
i woke up in darkness. i wondered what God would have me do. i wondered if i’m cut out for this program.
i feel betrayed. i told my prof i didn’t want to do these stories. i told him why.
did he forget?
I just downloaded the Grey Album and it rocks. So, I’m joining Grey Tuesday for Brainpickings(you’re current location) and my Chicago photoblog.
“This first-of-its-kind protest signals a refusal to let major label lawyers control what musicians can create and what the public can hear. The Grey Album is only one of the thousands of legitimate and valuable efforts that have been stifled by the record industry– not to mention the ones that were never even attempted because of the current legal climate. We cannot allow these corporations to continue censoring art; we need common-sense reforms to copyright law that can make sampling legal and practical for artists.
Go download the Grey Album! Check it out - Jay-z’s Black Album and the Beatles’s White Album….mixed-up, tripped up, and in a strange but kickin’ harmony.
For a Day, Same-Sex Pairs Get a Warm Reception
“In San Francisco it’s a license for marriage of same sex,” Mr. Schwarzenegger said. “Maybe the next thing is another city that hands out licenses for assault weapons and someone else hands out licenses for selling drugs”
No - It’s not the same thing! Buy weapons is not the same as the lifetime commitment you make to be with the person you lover, whether in a hetero-relationship or a GLBT one. Our governor is stupid.
i can love, with my whole heart. i can believe in myself again. subtle miracles. Mark gave me hope - he saw the goodness in my when I couldn’t find anything decent. Medill gave me a chance when I couldn’t forgive myself.
School is kicking my ass - breaking down my ego on writing. It’s forcing me to re-define my ideas on news, politics, people, ethics, and possibly some aspects on life.
Every beat reporting day - it feels like I’m hanging by a shoe string to file these stories, or any story and to construct the damn lead (or lede). But I make deadline, often to the maniacal glee of a professor, who was making changes to my story up to 2 minutes before deadline.
“Hey Kris, did you file?” he asked.
“Yes,” I snapped.
“Good,” he said with a chuckle.
On our first day of writing, he set us off on a story. Then he started calling out random things to watch for like mis-spelled words and false facts.
“Are you trying to mess with us?” I asked.
“Of course,” he answered.
It’s a learning experience. I get frustrated and ticked off at my professors, but when it comes down to it - I’m learning. There’s always an oppertunity to re-draw the news story structure. Even during happy hour, my professor was copyediting stories for students were not in his class. He drew the same news story structure on their papers, like he did with mine during class.
During another educator’s tangent on news value, my professor lifted his vodka tonic and pointed out with his vodka tonic: “Hey Kris, did you get that? Third graph.” I nodded over my dirty vodka martini (vodka is not the drink of choice for journalism students and professors). It’s tough to take those knocks on stories I spent quite a few hours on travel and interviews and patience. But I know it’s necessary. I have to suck it up and apply that knowledge, somehow…..
maybe I should make a Word Doc template for that news structure….
Mark Visits Kris! 2.13.04 - 2.17.04….
he brought the sunshine into my life…and now he’s gone….but i will visit during my spring break and that’s the light at the end of the tunnel for me….
found this online….
AstroStore
GEMINI
OK, let’s admit it. Your aspects for romance have been lousy for the past several years. Both you and your partner have had a series of challenges, or you haven’t been able to find a suitable mate to save your life. Nothing much changes in the first half of 2004, with one exception: Venus, the planet of love and beauty, is in your sign from April to August, which is exceedingly rare. You’ve got magnetism, and someone in particular is attracted. However, for one reason or another, you keep getting your wires crossed. Everything changes at the end of September when…
when what? what?
who cares - Mark’s coming tomorrow 
yeah!
in my tv production class and i’m thrilled to be hear…
our professor has a mess load of experience from NBC and beyond….
he also admitted that working in this business can be damaging to a marriage…which freaks me out a bit - because I would like to be able to work and have a family - I want it all…
and now he tells us that it may not be possible.
i suppose i should ask him about it
Digg by Queenkv