Queenkv’s Brainpickings

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i think about last Thursday night….I hug that memory close to me when I feel like I can’t survive this week….I’ve been in more stressful situations…but it’s been a while since I’ve put myself through too much work in too little time. Thinking about Thursday night helped.

I remember feeling time stood still when Mark kneeled before me….I remember feeling this bliss wash over me like the waves lapping by our side. It felt like the first time Mark confessed he liked me by the fountain at Ghirardelli square…but better….It felt like that first moment when he leaned into me for a kiss…that rush of hormones and sweetness….but better.

It was better because I knew Mark….I was free of any doubt or insecurities about my body and self. It was better because I knew I could trust him and believe in our future together.

It was better because we love each other and it felt so natural.

Ok…back to work.

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and this pic is from my story on the Coast Guard….I did the stand-up on a Coast Guard boat as we sailed down the Chicago River.

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Bare Naked Ladies Lyrics - One Week

It’s been one week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to the side and said “I’m angry”
Five days since you laughed at me saying
“Get that together come back and see me”
Three days since the living room
I realized it’s all my fault, but couldn’t tell you
Yesterday you’d forgiven me
but it’ll still be two days till I say I’m sorry

Hold it now and watch the hoodwink
As I make you stop, think
You’ll think you’re looking at Aquaman
I summon fish to the dish, although I like the Chalet Swiss
I like the sushi
’cause it’s never touched a frying pan
Hot like wasabe when I bust rhymes
Big like LeAnn Rimes
Because I’m all about value
Bert Kaempfert’s got the mad hits
You try to match wits, you try to hold me but I bust through
Gonna make a break and take a fake
I’d like a stinkin achin shake
I like vanilla, it’s the finest of the flavours
Gotta see the show, cause then you’ll know
The vertigo is gonna grow
Cause it’s so dangerous,
you’ll have to sign a waiver

How can I help it if I think you’re funny when you’re mad
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
I’m the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can’t understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of taking off my shirt

It’s been one week since you looked at me
Threw your arms in the air
and said “You’re crazy”
Five days since you tackled me
I’ve still got the rug burns on both my knees
It’s been three days since the afternoon
You realized it’s not my fault
not a moment too soon
Yesterday you’d forgiven me
And now I sit back and wait til you say you’re sorry

Chickity China the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin’
Watchin’ X-Files with no lights on
We’re dans la maison
I hope the Smoking Man’s in this one
Like Harrison Ford I’m getting frantic
Like Sting I’m tantric
Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy

Like Kurasawa I make mad films
Okay, I don’t make films
But if I did they’d have a Samurai
Gonna get a set a’ better clubs
Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs
Just so my irons aren’t always flying off the back-swing
Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon
‘Cause the cartoon has got the boom anime babes
That make me think the wrong thing

How can I help it if I think you’re funny when you’re mad
Tryin’ hard not to smile though I feel bad
I’m the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can’t understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of losing my shirt

It’s been one week since you looked at me
Dropped your arms to your sides
and said “I’m sorry”
Five days since I laughed at you and said
“You just did just what I thought you were gonna do”
Three days since the living room
We realized we’re both to blame,
but what could we do?
Yesterday you just smiled at me
Cause it’ll still be two days till we say we’re sorry

It’ll still be two days till we say we’re sorry
It’ll still be two days till we say we’re sorry
Birchmount Stadium, home of the Robbie

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we lingered over chianti and moscato….he wanted to get desert at Ghirardelli…We wandered over and talked about our first date. We climbed up the steps - walked past the fountain of mermaids….and headed up to the gaezbo…We could see the bay and the people in the Ghirardelli square….It’s a nice place to kiss…until some tourists decide follow in our footsteps. Mark mentioned something about being crowded. Then he wanted to take a walk on the beach.

We climbed down from Ghirardelli and crossed the street….We headed for the waters. We chased the waves and they chased us back.

He said he was sorry we couldn’t be together for our anniversary next week. He said he got me something instead….then he got down on one knee and pulled out a black box. He opened it up and showed me the beautiful ring that we picked out a few months ago.

“…will you marry me?”

“yes, totally….”

more than a year ago…I walked on the water - broken by abuse and wondering if I could ever believe in the future….last night - I was able to let myself be happy…I was able to dream about my future with Mark. We were thrilled.

It was the best night of my life.

We’re getting hitched next year.

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My best investment has been this cute little fuji finepix camera. I bought it off of e-bay for $99. I know I should upgrade to something that can take action shots….that has been Mark’s biggest gripe about the camera.

But hey…so far, so good….It’s been with me from California to NY to Chicago.

…ok…dead tired from class….what the hell am I doing? blogging at this hour….

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I first heard it was murder. That was enough to call Mark and freak out a bit. Hell - we have muggings on our street and last year - somebody was almost raped under the Northwestern sign, on our street. I considered asking another girl in my program if I could crash at her house for the night.

The dorm held a meeting for the residents - I couldn’t make it. In fact, i was telling my cameraman he was my albi - in case the police had to question me. It’s all legit - just coveirng my bases. Another girl in my program went to the meeting and reported back that it was suicide. Apparently, the girl’s aunt was worried. She hasn’t called home in four days. She asked the dorm to check in on her. That’s when they found out. Not sure when she did it - could have been an overdose.

My friend, just down the hall - said she remembers saying hi to the girl on Sunday. She looked fine.

Called my parents. Asked them to pray for me.

Talked to Mark as I lied in bed….I wondered about ghosts. I felt bad about feeling relieved that it wasn’t murder. Then Mark started this creepy whisper on the phone. This was after I asked him about ghosts. I was creeped out and I got off the phone.

Slept fine.

Woke up…started reading some random books….made coffee….a lazy Saturday morning….I’m usually up and at the gym by now….figured I needed to catch up with my reading for my global class….waiting to get my script approved…then I could start editing like a mofo.

Another day. I hope to God that this girl found rest and peace from this world. I hope she’s ok.

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