Queenkv’s Brainpickings

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just dreaming about being in Europe….walking with Mark down by the Seine seems more real then dealing with the stress of our final projects…i hope i don’t have to do this type of news cast in London. hell no.

ok…back to that el train ride…i thought about stuff that has happened in the last few weeks…let me go backwards

…my resume tape…and being on camera. this quarter - i’ve anchored three times - live shot reporter once - and the arts and leisure reporter once. each time, folks liked how i camera. i hate the camera. i think i look fat. my professor said i had nice make-up and i look natural…i turn away from the camera when i can….it keeps watching me…waiting for me to mess up…and when i start stumbling on the damn teleprompter…well..i stop caring about the show. shit. i hope i don’t get graded on this….my gut tells me that i’m not suppose to be on camera - but other people keep telling me i look good. maybe they think i’m scared and they’re trying to boost my self-esteem. i’m three years older than a majority of the students here - i don’t need the baby talk. i wish people were honest. i’ll try to get a screen capture of one of my anchor tapes and post it. then you’ll see what i mean.

further back…in Oakland - some old lady scampered in front of me at the airport. I was slightly annoyed. I manuvered in front of her and then i felt something trip over my suitcase on wheels. it was that same old lady. but this time, she was on the floor and moaning in pain. she had a huge bump on her forehead and she was clutching her swollen knee cap. she had a fake leg and it looked like it was out of alignment. i felt horrible and i kneeled down - offering any support i could. another old guy was by her side - also a stranger. i asked her if she wanted some water and she thought that would help. i brought some over and she sipped at it. then she cooled her bump with the icy cup. i told her i would pray for her. i felt horrible. i should have apologized….she said thanks for the water. the other guy said i did a good job. i felt horrible. i suck.

now another week before that….i was out shooting for another guy in my class. the cab drove through his neighborhood. he said we should stop by his place and he would make me a burrito…at the time, i thought it was only odd….i was more concerned about getting some cash together to pay the full cab fare. i was looking for an atm machine. hmm…then i remembered another girl in our program had a crush on him…i suspect still does. he was probably just as friendly and suggestive with her. and he has a girlfriend. that got me thinking…what a slime ball…worse than a cocktease. wow…my girlfriend just wants to hook up with a decent guy and he messes with her head like that. it’s jacked up. he so damn slimy with the chicks in this program. and my girlfriend got the signals crossed.

plus he’s the same age as my bro….now that just made me a little sick in my stomach…it’s like incest. no younger guy has any chance with me know…because it would be like a younger brother. ewww. gross.

well…i always bitch to mark that no one seems me as lady out here…but does it really count when that attention is coming from someone who looks like he’d hump anything willing to wear a bra? honestly.

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