I feel a bit frustrated at the moment……just when I thought I had my game plan down for the midwest winter and my new grad school schedule – the strap on my Old Navy bag snapped off. After a morning of editing lecture, I headed to downtown Evanston with other students for some book shopping and a bowl of forrest mushroom soup from Panera. After quick swing to face one of the students, my bag fell to the floor, along with the rest of my good mood.
I carried my stupid gray Old Navy bag down Chicago and unfortunately, we over shot Sherman and ended up back tracking.
I’m amazed how fast my mood swings when one thing goes wrong, like a baby waking up at the drop of a whisper. I clamped down on my teeth and carried the stupid bag with both hands back up to Fisk Hall for the editing lab. During one of our breaks – I jammed over to Norris to pick up a few more books. I love burning a hole into my checking account.
I wracked my head for ideas and some semblance of intelligence as I worked on the editing exercises. I prayed no one would figure out what a moron I was when it came to grammar and spelling. Hell, if you’ve read this blog on a regular basis – you know I could improve the whole proofreading bit.
After class, I walked home – with my new books and my stupid bag. I navigated through the icy sidewalks and had a few close-calls with planting my face into the ground. Some people say you have to earn your “sea legs” when walking on a boat. In my case, I need to figure out how to get some “ice legs”.
I try to tell myself this is like my skating days. Even then, I walked out on the ice, to inspect my figures or to hang out. I kicked ass at broomball because I was able to run on the ice once. The best activity I organized for the dorms was our broomball night, my freshman year at Cal. Before broomball – I skated during a public session. I could still do some of my jumps. I felt beautiful again. When the other dorm people came up for broomball – I had blast running and checking some people into the railing. I was a bit clumsy with my broom handling, but I had no problems with balance – I could swing around, switch directions, and race the other students on my sneakers.
I miss being carefree, like that. I miss my family. I miss Mark. We talked on the phone last night and had a nice web cam session on net meeting. I was able to touch face again, as he smiled back to me on the screen.
I feel lost out here – still learning the ropes and trying to find my place at Medill. I’m nervous about nearly everything – from financial aid to editing. I know I can make it- but damn, this is hard. It’s hard going back to school, by myself.
But I chose this life. I have to make it work