I started thinking about this episode of
Sex and the City after I got my last story back…..
“Maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we’ve been given and accessorize what we’ve got. – Carrie“
In this episode – Carrie get’s her story back from a Vogue editor – and it was “bleeding” – with a crap load of re-writes….So, Carrie – I understand.
I got my first F today.
I started to freak out. What the hell am I doing here? All the money I’m pouring into this program and the best I can do is an F on my god-damn story…..the same one I had to re-arrange my telecommuting schedule in order to attend the city council meeting. The same story that convinced me to head over to campus by 8:30 AM, in order to start writing. Same story I missed a lecture in order to “keep digging” for an elusive contractor’s report. The same story that keep me on campus till 6 PM, that day.
and I got an F.
Since I’m still so damn pissed about it all….the only major factual difference I can between my story and the better ones (oh, yeah – my instructor felt compelled to share with the class the great work turned in by other students, kicking me while I’m down – and I’m assuming “me” simply because I don’t think anybody in class could have done worse) is one damn fact, one that I left out.
I’m 2300 miles away from home. I’m doing my best to support myself in this program – working and studying – I can’t ask my parents for help. Everytime I turn in something, it seems like I’m doing worse on that writing business.
I know this is all in my head…..and they’re doing a great job at messing with it. I have to get them out of my head – or else, I’ll start believing that I really don’t have any business being here.