I got into my yoga class this morning….my id card swiped in without any problems. I paid for the class after my choir rehersal.
The yoga class was at Patten Gym. I think we did Ashtanga yoga this morning.
I walked into a dark classroom, with a candle lit in the middle of the room. The instructor checked about by yoga experience and promised me this would be strengthing experience.
I read earlier this morning, in 365 Mary, about messages from God. Well, I had a bunch of quesitons yesterday and I couldn’t hear the answers. I guess it was because I couldn’t hear anything over my crying.
I was able to keep up with class, but I think I need some help with those rusty gates. Sometimes I forget to breathe, when I’m struggling with a pose. As the instructor flitted from mat to mat, improving our stance and pulling us into position, she said, “This side knows about strength.” Despite my twisted back and arms akimbo, that statement warmed me. I felt my heart sigh.
It clicked for me – regardless of my frustration and helpnessess – this painful, unwanted episode in my life has not taken away my strength. I can cry for my innocence trampled on. I can scream at a legal system that lets these cases fall into a vaccum. But it won’t break me. I will be happy, because I am strong. I bitch often. I whine about being alone in Chicago. I weep for being touched against my will. I still punish myself for doing nothing. I am strong. I know it. I believe it.
One year ago, a sick man sexually assualted me. He doesn’t think he did anything wrong. In the end, I guess it doesn’t matter. He’ll fuck up someday. I’m getting married. My brother has a good job and he’s going back to school. My family is doing fine. I’m following my dreams. I am more than just a victim. I’m a queen.
I’ll be fine. It’s okay if God doesn’t answer my questions. I’ll try to stay open to his will. I’ll pray for understanding and patience.
After yoga, I went to choir rehersal for Easter Sunday mass. While we flipped through the books and our director discussed chord changes and fussed with the soloists, the piano player and cello player goofed off with some clever renditions on the Real Slim Shady, Closing Time and the Super Mario Bros. theme. The piano player even found a key tinkling to replicated the sound for Mario grabbing coins in the game. The guitar players chimed in with the theme played when Mario goes underground.
Then when our director mused about a song for offering, the cello player and piano player broke out with “Stairway to Heaven.” She rolled her eyes and the choir laughed. I pointed out that the title had “Heaven” in it. She announced, “Ladies and gentleman, we now have Led Zeppelin for our Offertory hymn.”
She said eight years ago, at the 9:00 pm mass, during the preperation of the gifts, the musicians worked in rendition of the BeeGee’s “How Deep is Your Love.” Apparently, they had a young crowd in the chapel and nobody recognized the tune. Well, nobody except for the priest who presided at that mass. He told the choir director next day. The musicians claimed the readings were about love and that the song fit. The director said, ok, don’t do that again.
Still, that was funny.
Artist: The Bee Gees Lyrics
How Deep Is Your Love
I started a joke which started the whole world crying
But I didn’t see that the joke was on me oh no
I started to cry which started the whole world laughing
Oh If I’d only seen that the joke was on me
I looked at the skies running my hands over my eyes
And I fell out of bed hurting my head from things that I said
‘Till I finaly died which started the whole world living
Oh If I’d only seen that the joke was on me
I looked at the skies running my hands over my eyes
And I fell out of bed hurting my head from things that I said
‘Till I finaly died which started the whole world living
Oh If I’d only seen that the joke was on me
Oh no that the joke was on me