on the east coast….it gets dark here….faster than Chicago and LA…probably not as fast as London….In London – sunset was around 3 or 4….I ended up walking home by dusk….
spent an hour and a half on the phone with my station. Discussed interview questions and the future of broadcast. It was a long conversation….
now….back into limbo
according to m-w.com –
Main Entry: lim·bo
Pronunciation: ‘lim-(“)bO
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural limbos
Etymology: Middle English, from Medieval Latin, ablative of limbus limbo, from Latin, border
1 often capitalized : an abode of souls that are according to Roman Catholic theology barred from heaven because of not having received Christian baptism
2 a : a place or state of restraint or confinement b : a place or state of neglect or oblivion c : an intermediate or transitional place or state d : a state of uncertainty
Dear QT –
I’ve been thinking about you. You seem like a world away. Sara…i know your pain about the little one…in fact…i feel your pain…i’ll get into it in a bit…but i was afraid to share this episode with you. I figure you wouldn’t forgive me.
Your blog design – inspired me to do my own. Mark was by my side…telling me which colors work on this blog. The thing is…I know the html tags and I know how to make the plugins work. I suppose I’m good with coding. But I don’t have a good eye for colors – so that’s where Mark comes in. In fact – he wishes I could fix all the extra blank space in my top table…I’ll get around to it. And…I fixed my portal site and added my old journals sites from Cal.
Sara…I’m drunk. Finished a full bottle of yellow-tail – chardonnay…with hints of a honey after-taste. 750 ml. 13.5% alchie content. Mark didn’t join me…he’s trying to get over a cold and he doesn’t need the alchie to mess with the Tylenol cold.
Currently watching an episode of “Blind Date” – they’re taking a kick-boxing class…shouldn’t all blind dates start with a kick boxing class? I wish the dude in Chicago could take some type of martial arts course with you…he would see how beautiful you are under pressure – fighting – working out – and ready to take life on. He’s a fool. And girlfriend…what gf? She better be strong enough to risk his love. Sara – go for it until he tells you otherwise.
I took that chance…once in my life…I broke the heart of one good man – who stuck by me through thick and suicidal. I thought I had a chance with this LA boy…he was a co-worker and I spent too much time with him…jut graduated from college – thought I was going into a broadcast gig – until I got the better offer for a full-time job with my lab. So, this guy…I decided to break-up with my current boy…hell – if I was thinking about cheating on him – I better be honest.
So, I was honest with myself. I told my co-worker (who had a gf) – that I was interested him. I made him promise to never bring this up with me. He broke his promise – we took a road trip down to LA – one weekend. I got to see tge Dave Matthews Band – in a concert..This song hit me to the bones…
say good-bye
So here we are tonight, you and me together
The storm outside, the fire is bright
And in your eyes I see what’s on my mind
You’ve got me wild, turned around inside
And then desire, see, is creeping up heavy inside here
And do you feel the same way as I do now
Now let’s make this an evening
Lovers for a night, lovers for tonight
Stay here with me, love, tonight
Just for an evening
When we make our passion pictures
You and me twist up as secret creatures
And we’ll stay here
Tommorrow go back to being friends
Go back to being friends, but tonight let’s be lovers, we kiss and sweat
We’ll turn this better thing
To the best
Of all we can offer, just a rogue kiss
Tangled tongues and lips,
See me this way
I’m turning and turning for you
Girl, just tonight
Float away here with me
An evening just wait and see
But tommorrow go back to your man
I’m back to my world
And we’re back to being friends
Wait and see me,
Tonight let’s do this thing
All we are is waisting hours until the
Sun comes up it’s all ours
On our way here
Tommorrow go back to being friends
Go back to being friends
Tonight let’s be lovers, say you will
And hear me call, soft-spooken
Whispering love
A thing or two I have to say here
Tonight let’s go all the way then
Love I’ll see you
Just for this evening
Let’s strip down, trip out at this
One evening starts with a kiss
Run away
And tommorrow
Back to being friends
Lovers…love…lovers
Just for tonight, one night…love you
And tommorrow say goodbye
He told me…during that long road trip from SF to LA – he said he was interested in me…but he had a gf – and he wanted to make things work with her…first.
My bro – he’s so wise…interpreted this to mean: this guy thought I was only second best…that I was a back-up…if anything happened to his gf – he would call me next.
I need my bro to tell me that. I needed a kick in the ass. I chopped my hair into a bob and started dating other men again – that’s how I ended up with Mark. Because I was willing to look past my own situation…and hope for something better. Mark’s wonderful.
He wants me to be the perfect bride…I don’t know if I could do that. I want to be me…myself…I want us to leave behind society definitions of what’s a bride and groom – I want us to enter this marriage as equals…maybe me wearing a drop-dead number in a white tux….but he doesn’t like the idea…still thinking about it…it seems like my mom’s under the impression that I won’t look good in a bridal gown until I lose 5 lbs. That’s when I get self-concious…I figure a pantsuit will make me look better with my extra weight.
Which brings me to birds…I used to have finches. Beautiful, chirping finches….I liked to hold them in my hand…I was only in jr. high. I didn’t know better…I held one in my hand….one night…we kept their cages in the fridge…I was a fucking fool…I should have let go of her…I didn’t. She stopped breathing….my dad quietly took her away…said it was an accident…I still wonder, to this day, if he believed that. I choked her to death. I still feel bad….trying not to punish myself…but I took a life.
So…I can understand if you don’t want to talk to me any more…I have killed a bird…
Life is hard now…trying to survive before graduation…
queenkv