it’s better than feeling sorry for myself…this doesn’t make any sense. a few months ago, when everybody pitied me – i was assured i could get adminstrative leave for the trauma i experienced. it seemed only fair, especially since ucpd told me this guy most likely got admintrative leave, with pay, for the investigation conducted by the rsf….
so, i was a good worker bee. i took a week off from sick time. i toughed it wth horrible customers. i worked my ass for my department….
and i plan on taking off next month for a vacation. i figured, well, that would be a nice time to save my vacation time and take advantage of that admin leave that everyone said i was entitled to.
but now….i was told it would have to be admin leave without pay. is that fair? does that make any sense to you? this jerk – who basically got away, scot free, was put on essentially a paid vacation, while the rsf tried to figure out what went wrong. then he resigned without consequences….and now, when i try to take a break – i’m told i won’t have the same benefits as him. it doesn’t make any sense to me….
this is really fucking with my ablity to work.
i realize that i’m losing everything and everyone. the two girls who i confided to, are leaving california – one is going to france and the other is leaving washington dc. i can’t talk to wes as much, not with his new girlfriend. lord knows i don’t want to screw that up for him….
who do i have left? who would give me a break?
i’m breaking down in tears. can hardly get a grip.
why should i keep trying? who’s going to fucking care?
yeah…now i’m starting to fucking feel sorry for myself