how do you teach someone to kiss?

i was goofing around with mark, on the couch, last night…..saving silverman was on. it was pretty damn funny when amanda peet starts whipping ass on the other idiots in the film. but i hate her as an actress…..i guess i just like violence. they also had some e-hollywood bio on jenna jameison. apparently, she was invited to Oxford U to debate the merits of the porn industry against some anti-porn people. she held her own ground and won the debate.

anyways. i kept asking him, how would you teach someone how to kiss? he was pretty put off by it – apparently, it just happens. then he was leaning over me, for one of those lame attempt kisses by a dude who doesn’t know any better. his mouth started leering toward me and his tounge was coming out. it was better than any lame ass cliche of a breakfast club-type movie. and it totally cracked me up. it was too damn funny! hahahahaha……he assured me that this was NOT how he started kissing. that he was joking.

it was nice to have something crack me up. it was a long day. i stuck it out at work – i wasn’t about to let that asshole affect me at work. thankfully – i had some teaching stuff to do – which helped the time pass by, quicker.

i don’t know who’s willing to admit it – but i think your first brush with kissing comes off very wet and messy, especially if it’s a first for both parties in the kissing. how the hell are you suppose to know? all folks have is whatever they’re willing to show in the movies and TV – and it’s not like you have a nice shot of what specifically the tounge is up to when you’re lipped-locked in such a fashion. and if you’re young – hormones are ranging and you’re nervous and in my case, terrified of making a fool out of myself. i suppose mark is right….kissing comes from practice.

i found that it’s also nice when you hold back a bit, in the beginning. you know, start with pecking and then moving on to smooching……a little bit control and it helps minimize the liquid overflow. at least, that’s what i figured out in high school.

i remember my most embrassing attempt at kissing was during our production of Our Town….i was a Senior in High School. Fell for the kid who played Howie Newsome. it was pretty damn akward…..because another guy in the production, he played the choir director – had a thing for me. ah yes, the akward highschool soap opera. so….i knew the choir director liked me, because he told me so. he also attempted to take me on a date…..but when he leaned in to kiss me….i grossed out inside – because he was too much like a brother to me. (funny – a few years later, we ended up having a weekend fling in college – and my bro dreamnt that this guy was stealing the love of his life. i kept telling him, it’s just a dream! but, he’s paranoid now) so – on the final dress rehersal – during the scene2, act 1 – i told the choir director that this wasn’t going to work. we were inside my mini-van. he was crushed. by scene 4, act 1 – i found myself in the wings, toward stage right, with Howie. i told him that i liked him. he said he had to think about it. i made him miss his cue. i think it was scene 4….well, it’s right before his milkman scene, ok? by act 2 – he asked me out. he didn’t have many speaking lines during that act.

it was a while before the choir director and i were talking again. he was pissed, by opening night, when word got around. yeah. i shouldn’t have strung him along like that. pretty shitty thing to do.

on opening night, after the play – Howie walked me to my car. the stars were out. In my hometown, you could still see the stars, in some parts. he leaned down to kiss me…..and a lunged up for a french kiss……but he wasn’t ready for a french kiss…and well, i felt like an idiot.

that was the last time i ever got agressive with a kiss, in high school. the last time i first opened up my mouth on a first kiss.

dude….i was an idiot. i guess i shouldn’t assume on being the lead in kisses….

how do you teach someone to kiss?