Main Entry: 1lim·bo
Pronunciation: ‘lim-(“)bO
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural limbos
Etymology: Middle English, from Medieval Latin, ablative of limbus limbo, from Latin, border
Date: 14th century
1 often capitalized : an abode of souls that are according to Roman Catholic theology barred from heaven because of not having received Christian baptism
2 a : a place or state of restraint or confinement b : a place or state of neglect or oblivion c : an intermediate or transitional place or state d : a state of uncertainty [from m-w.com]
the definition of my life, right now….
this is a good one:
a place or state of neglect or oblivion
I’m waiting to hear back on many things – work, school, money, people…..and I made the mistake of getting my hopes up again. That’s what I get for letting my ears pick out what I want to hear…..instead of tuning in for the un-stated reality of how things are…..
I’m not a very important person. I just thought I was worth a bit more than what I’ve been getting, so far.
Dream Deferred
by Langston Hughes (1902-1967)
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore–
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
I thought about this poem, often, when I gave up my dream to skate in the Olympics. I thought about it again, when my parents asked me to decline the assignment editor position, in Sac Town. So, I’m no stranger to disappointment. When I put my dreams on hold, life gets bitter – and I start hating myself.
These days go by so slowly. Little things threaten to pop my fragile bubble – the bubble that’s going to free me from this purgatory, in my mind and body – and fly me to meet my dreams in Chicago. Like quick sand, these little things want to pull me into my own hell, suffocate me with memories that can’t be un-done. My self-esteem, on that edge before the quick sand, close to being swallowed up by forces and people who don’t know any better, and don’t care whether I survive or not.
I’m tired getting my hopes up.
I have to focus on what I know is for sure – on the things and people I can count on –
- Medill – ever since I was in sixth grade, I’ve wanted to be a reporter
- family – sorry, but they’re stuck with me….it has something to do with blood and sharing it
- God – yeah, this is still an edgy issue with me – but I still have faith in prayer and my faith is coming a comfort to me again
that’s all.
it’s enough….at least, it should be.