chaos in the details….

One week and four days to go.

Yesterday – I had my ups and downs. I got to spend time with my mom…dress shopping and a stop by Vicky’s Secret….my supervisor from my time as a sales associate…was still there. We chatted about changes in the store design. It’s nice to be remebered. My mother’s dress is lovely and she’s going to look so pretty for my wedding.

We also got some kick-ass gifts for the wedding. People have been so generous…ever since last month – folks have amazed me with their good wishes. Thank you…everyone.

Now…the bad stuff….it feels like I’m swamped with details. It’s hard to keep track of everything that needs to be done. It’s even more difficult to make people happy – to remember what I need to do to make people happy.

And it doesn’t fucking help with my family’s problems – drama – fights – are exposed on another non-family member’s blog. Jesus, Mary, Mother of God. I have enough to worry about without strangers reading about the fucking drama from my wedding – on somebody else’s blog. Shit.

I am crying while writing this blog. I feel hurt – betrayed – ashamed – upset – mad – more stressed then yesterday.

Maybe I shouldn’t get married next week – I don’t want to be the reason why my brother and my father are fighting. Fuck that shit. It’s suppose to be a happy occasion. It’s suppose to bring people together. And now one blog is reminding me and the world that my wedding is making the two most important men in my life (aside from Mark) – are being torn apart.

Things would have been better if she left it alone. My brother and my father would have been fine if she didn’t bring it up. As soon as David comes back to Cali – things would have been fine. But now, it’s like she threw salt on a healing wound and then she kicked us around while we’re still trying to get-up and move on with our lives.

Where’s the respect for privacy? Not just my own, but my family?

So fine….I guess it’s MY fault my brother and dad are made at each other. Just one more damn reason to keep my brother away from my family.

Thanks. No really, thanks. I’m now going to work on trying to remind myself that a wedding, my wedding to Mark, is going to be a happy occasion.

Ok- no thanks to you.