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grey day in Cali…

Posted on May 5, 2005

SAN DIMAS — As grey as my mood. Having a shitty time with the job search….no bites.

Must mean I suck.

Maybe I can do some news – out of the state. I see plenty of listings out of Cali.

I don’t want to leave Cali and every time I mention an out-of-state job listing to my future husband – he bitches and complains about leaving.

So….I’m stuck.

And it feels shitty.

I suck. I’m a talentless hack. I’m stuck.

There’s a Starbucks opening in Covina. Maybe I should fill out an application.

My future husband said life and marriage are full of compromises. Maybe I need to compromise on my career plan.

I could always go back to tech support….and blow my brains out from tedious customers and snippy co-workers.

I should be patient. People tell me I should enjoy this time off. But I’m going insane – not working. Being un-employed. I’ve sunk to filling out a VOLUNTEER application for a college radio station. Just to keep myself busy. I’m even looking for freelance oppertunities – writing gigs – anything. Not having much luck there.

Maybe I’m not being realistic – who the hell was I to think I’d get a TV news job out of college? I figured I had a good resume and a decent tape. My professor liked both. Maybe she was just being nice because she didn’t have the guts to tell me I didn’t have what it takes to get a foot in the door.

Well…at least I know I won’t let my family starve. I know I can get a job doing a shit-load of things. I saw McD’s in Diamond Bar is hiring. Or maybe I could go back to folding panties at Victoria Secrets.

Yeah….that’s the thing. I’ve never had a problem getting a job I want. Now, thanks to the damn job market – I’m shut out of the one job I want – broadcast news.

I hate feeling stuck. I hate being un-employed. I hate being tied down to a state where I may have no job oppertunities.

Well, I managed to cook a decent meal for my family last night. Maybe I should go to chef school and drop another couple thousands of dollars on education.

Or maybe I should be a housewife and blow my mind away with boredom.

Life’s full of compromises.

May 2005
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