i got a package from my cousin on friday – she baked chocolate chip cookies for me! they were yummy yummy…..
on Saturday, Mark made pancakes.
Isn’t it cute? it was tasty as well….
i got banged my leg up in hankido yesterday, by somebody three times my height and weight. ouch. not only is it bruising, but i also got this funny soft spot in my leg, like an indent – i don’t think it was there before.
i hate my job. more nasty customers. thank goodness i’m leaving.
at church, on Sunday, a missionary from Haiti dropped by – to ask for donations and to tell us about his experiences there. He started his misson when he was 23 years old – a college senior. He hasn’t stopped since. He had some funny stories. He also had some pretty dire accounts of the slums in Haiti. The children would always come to his school so exhausted. He finally found out why. The children had to sleep in 2 hour shifts. Just as one is about to find some rest, the child is roused from his sleep and told to stand guard. Or else, the rats would sneak in and start chomping on their toes. It was the only way to protect themselves. At this one former prison – in Port Au Prince, the walls and floor are covered in this gray muddy substance. Basically, it’s the leftover guck of human waste and decay, that has built up over the years. He visited the site with two of Mother Theresa’s nuns. He saw Haitian mothers kneeling on the prison floors. They were flattening the gray muddy substance with chicken broth. Then they rolled them into pancake shapes, fried them, and served these pancakes to their children to eat.
He talked about opening the only free medical clinic in Port au Prince, with help of Mother Theresa’s nuns. All the other clinics charged money. Even the schools charged money for attendance. He brought over supplies to take care of 500 people. He was excited and raring to go, on the morning they opened the clinic. He told them to open the doors. He was shocked – he found 3000 people waiting to get inside. Everyone in that line was sick. He panicked. He almost yelled at one of the sisters – “we only have enough for 500 people.” She looked at him calmly. She said, you know what your problem is? you don’t believe that God has a mission for you. you act like many people, as if they were dropped down on this earth, and they’re running around, trying to find some meaning in their lives. God doesn’t expect you to fix everything. Tomorrow morning, you will get up and kneel by your bed and pray. You will listen for what God has to say to you. Now, you will take each person, one at a time, and help them in anyway you can. One at a time. God will be with you then.
i felt so bad for those people in Haiti….how can my problems even begin to compare? but, still, i’m suffering. honestly, i don’t know where God is in my life right now. Mark told me last night that I probably shut everything out – in self-defense, which is probably why I can’t feel His presence.
here’s the scary thing thought…..it comes down to two scenarios: either God was with me when I was assaulted or He wasn’t. I don’t like either one and their implications. I think, I can handle God not being there, when I was assaulted – at least then, he wasn’t letting this horrible thing happen to me. If He was there…..how could he stand by and let me endure that? So, yeah, I’m confused. Intellectually, I know it’s all in my mind….but how can I move on without a resolution?