Category Archives: dreams

my leg got a bit tweaked

yeah….I got paired up with the tinest girl in Hankido, today – and she was also the one tossing me the hardest. I think she was one of the students from the martial arts university in Korea. I learned a lot from her. She also slammed her knee into the bone, right next to that cervix bone…..I was on the floor for a bit….it hurt – but I was able to keep going….no problem…..mineral ice to the rescue!

I had a wierd dream the other night. I was getting ready for halloween. for some reason, i had on my blue fairy costume from my junior year in college…..yeah the one I used for the UC chorale Halloween ShinDig….I was annoyed with myself- I wanted to dress up as a MBA Businessman. So, I stripped off my costume and tossed on some slacks, a tie, and a button-down shirt. (yes, in that order). I couldn’t get my arm through that shirt. It fit fine, but the hole for the arm was too tight. I was standing in front of my mirror – with my vanity lights turned on. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t fit into that costume…

After thinking about it a bit – it makes sense. I can’t fit into a costume I wasn’t meant for. Sure, my current job helped me pay the bills, my loans, and helped keep a roof over my bro’s head as he finished up college – but my current job wasn’t ME. It never fit. No matter how hard I try, I couldn’t generate any real passion for it…..Got kinda bitter about putting my dreams on hold…..

Now, only 9 more weeks until I head up to Chicago.

my head hurts…

boss got back from his vacation….had to give him the run down on all that has taken place…..got a bad taste in my tummy….

jammed down to Smart Alec’s for my comfort food – oven baked fries…awww yeah! but a fully tummy couldn’t take away that bitterness on my tounge. it’s like acid, burning away at my sense of well being and everything I know to be right…..when it comes to work – often things are black and white for me. for some people, they claim to see grayness in the issues.

i guess that’s why my head aches.

now time to catch up on my dreams….

last weekend – i dreamnt i was down in LA and my dad was interogating me about my last frantic call to Auntie Nellie. He demanded to know what was going on. We were talking in the kitchen of my old house. Well, it was more like him yelling louder and louder…me staying mute. I didn’t want him to know, especially if he was yelling at me. I think somebody – maybe Mark – somebody – tried to butt in – explaining to my dad that I was already 25 years old, an adult. He countered – that it didn’t matter how old I was, i’m still his child. He needed to know what was going on so he could protect me. I felt horrible.

a few nights ago – I dreamnt I was working as an assistant for a TV news crew. We were driving up to the event and I pointed out the press parking area. The camera guy insisted on parking in the empty spot – claiming we may not have a space for us. It was a hot, sunny day. When he parked the car – we also saw that we had a mess load of equipment to haul into the event. I trotted up to the press parking area and found out that we indeed had a spot reserved for us. So, I convinced the camera guy to re-park the car. We ended up inside. Paul, from hankido, was another member of the crew and he was focused on looking for a power outlet for all our equipment – he was in a ver bitchy mood. I felt like an intern.

last night – I dreamnt I had a splinter in my thumb. It drove me crazy and I went thought my day, trying to ignore it. I finally sat down in my bathroom and procceded to pry it out. The splinter was a silver needles – the length of my pinky…..it didn’t bleed when I pulled it out.

why do I dream this way?

i don’t like dreaming about my family….

especially when one ends up in a military prison….man, the clam chowder must have did some funky stuff to my head last night.

i was terrified and freaked out and stressed out.

dude, i don’t need that when i’m trying to sleep and wake up in time for another god-damned opening shift.

but it happens.

last night i dreamnt my cousin was working at a military facility – in their bio lab….ala Wen Ho Lee – she’s arrested wrongfully for sabatoge. Some army prick claimed he could trace her terrorist roots back to Abu Sayyaf. Asshole.

My brother and I inflitrate a top army facility. There was an anti-war protest by students, so it was easy to slip. My bro was gussied up in his Class A uniform – complete with Officer bars….


Basically, he used some “official business” attitude and was able to bluff our way into the main hall. I think this place was JAG-type facility and military courts were held here. It was somewhere in the desert, late at night. I found the office of one of the judges. His secretary insisted that we had to come back during business hours. I begged, with tears in my eye, that my cousin needed a chance to prove herself – that she was in no-way a traitor to her job or her country. The secretary blasted at us – what would we know about patrotism, after simply being naturalized? I yelled at her that we three were born in this country and that we knew a whole hell of a lot about loving this nation. The judge heard us and said he’d set-up an emergency hearing in the main court room.

when we were there, we stood in the middle of the room – three judges were seated high on a gray, metal bench. they brough in Jennie – cuffed. they made her sit down, roughly. My brother was restraining himself – doing his best to resist striking out at their rough treatment. He stood at attention, barely quivering with rage. I didn’t have to adhere to those formalities, as a citizen. I dropped down by Jennie’s side, hugged her….we both cried together…..we were so confused and freaked out. I begged them to un-do her chains. the judges agreed, as long as she stayed seated.

david and i made our case – highlighted jennie’s perfect record – hell, she didn’t even have a traffic ticket to her name. we pointed out how she had no security access to intelligence files. we pointed out her volunteer service with Circle K and the hospital. i blurted out – if anything, they should apologize and recognize her loyalty to this country, regardless of how the military didn’t even give her a shot at a fair trial, among her peers. she was judged without remorse.

one judge agreed – she should be awarded a medal of honor, for her bravery – then he signaled for guards to lock her up and take her away…..the judge added that they will take our testimony into consideration. at this time, the army didn’t have any authority over her, since she was working at an air force facility.

we three were shocked and shaken.

when i was trying to wake up….

this probably happened, just as I was getting through my last REM cycle…

the alarm went off…i got out of bed and placed it on snooze….it went on again – not much snooze time – classical music blaring from the classical music station….snoozed it again….and it went on again….this time, i decided to wake up and turn off the alarm. i couldn’t turn it off. i tried to turn down the volume – i didn’t want to wake Mark up….it kept getting louder and louder….i even unplugged the alarm clock radio, from it’s wall outlet – it kept going.

i was worried…and freaked out.

then i really woke up.

i was able to turn off the alarm.

lost control…during a meeting…

gosh, i hope this doesn’t have anything to do with me, leaving my job. maybe though – can’t help feeling like a lame duck now.

last night I had this dream that I was in the middle of our student staff meeting. all my student workers were there. we were out in the main lab and everybody was seated down a row of machines. I tried talking to them, but they weren’t listening. I had just announced that I was leaving Haas – they smiled politely….but they didn’t care. They started talking among themselves, making plans – finding ways to improve what I’ve done for the last 4 years. They ignored my attempt to bring order to the meeting and there were other customers in the lab. Sometimes, they would try to quiet down to hear me speak – but they lost interest fast. I was so frustrated – I still had a whole agenda to work through. Nobody listened to me….it was like I wasn’t there.

at least i’m not a dumb blonde.

Gangsta Bitch!
You’re Gangsta Bitch Barbie. You’re tough and you
like it rough, and of course you like to pop a
cap in any wiggers ass.

If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla

ok…on to stuff about me….my parents keep calling….unfortunately, in my drunken stupor on Monday – I called up one of my aunts – she’s at the top of my speed dial list on my cell phone. She has no idea what’s going on, but I turn to her, once in a while, for some spirtual guidance. I left a message – it concerned her, and she called up my parents. So, now my mom and dad are worried. I think they tried to get some info out of my bro – but he didn’t know anything either. Of course, if they were all savvy enough – I suppose they could have accesses this blog by now. Lord knows it would be easier if they could read what happened, rather than having me explain it – either on the phone or in person.

i don’t want to risk feeling rejected by my family. i don’t want them passing judgement on me….one of those, “she had it coming” attitudes. if anything, that would screw up our relationship royally….

so, i am the queen. as far as i’m concerned, my parents and bro will not hear anything from me. as far as they know – i’m just on my way to college….

but they suspect. they keep calling…

my aunt – i love her dearly. she’s really a family friend, but she’s known me since diapers – she might as well be blood. her daughter is my dad’s god-daughter. she liked to call me her “god-cousin”. there was a time she she use to look up to me, as a badd-ass skater breaking hearts and all the rules. hell – did that sound like a Christopher Pike novel? i hope not. my aunt, she’s really tuned into her spirituality and she does her best to help us tune in as well. occasionally she would have some feng shui advice for my family’s house, at least when we had a house. i remember her once leaning over her daughter, who was buckled into our mini van for a trip to an amusement park….maybe disneyland…..they touched each others foreheads and my aunt mumurred, “white light your jorney, protect all in this van.” when we went on a vacation, sometimes we’d leav Bernie at her house. She also had a dog, a black poodle named Bonnie. Bernie liked her, a lot – and it didn’t matter if he was neurtered or not. On a side note, I don’t care what the vets say – neutering does jack shit on calming a dog down. My dog was just as vivacious, and as disturbing a thought it is to me – just as horny, as any other dogs with their units in tack.

so my aunt, she also got me a crystal ball. she had this feeling about me and knew i was interested in exploring any psychic connections. she heard i was telling fortunes with playing cards for my skating friends. apparently, each reading touched an uneasy nerve with the girls. they believed in my readings. i used a mixture of gypsy interpetations and wiccan symbols when i dealt out the cards for my friends. she was concerned because i wasn’t taking the proper protections – leaving myself open for whatever is out there. she didn’t say evil – but i got the gist of it. i stopped telling fortunes. i tried once to see what i could see in my crystal ball. i saw a lot of pain and myself, miserable. i stopped using the crystal ball.

my lola, my grandmother, passed away during my junior year in college. one week before, i dreamnt that we were at a birthday party for her. my family gathered in my ninang’s house – we had a cake. we also knew, it would be her last birthday. i told my dad about the dream and insisted that my brother and i take the weekend to visit. yeah – money was tight back then, especially when my parents had to put both kids into college. but my dad willing and i think he was scared of my words. my brother and i flew into Ontario International Airport on the day of my lola’s birthday. My dad met us at the gate. With tears in his eyes, he said she was gone. I felt horrible. Despite everything, he missed his chance to be with her in order to pick his kids up at the airport. I couldn’t help feeling responsible for her passing away. Logic says that she’s old and it was going to happen anyways, without or without the dream. But it doesn’t take away the hurt, knowing that.

later that evening, back at my family’s house – we had dinner. i went outside to get the mail and found a pigeon, struggling on our lawn. it’s wing was hurt and i couldn’t stand to leave it there, in pain. i convinced my dad to take it. we put the bird in a shoebox and tried to get to eat. i tried calling the human society, but they were closed for the evening. the bird spent the night, in his new shoe box – with the top off, inside the garage. my mom objected to keeping it in the kitchen. besides – bernie could have been a little too excited by it. the bird didn’t make it to the next morning. so my dad had two burials to attend to, that week.

after talking to my dad about my dream, my aunt exclaimed that i must be psychic. my dad told me about her analysis. i resented it and hated it. i prayed that i would never have this kind of dream again. i didn’t want to feel responsible for such things, like people dying. i knew i wasn’t – but i kept feeling that way.

thankfully, i haven’t dreamed up any more deaths. but i do dream of kissing. pretty much, while i’m dating a guy, would become my boyfriend – i first dream about them kissing. this has been true, ever since high school. i don’t know how much of it is pure wanting and how much of it is prophetic. in any event, it’s kinda nice to know what to expect, when kissing a guy.

late night….nice dream

i’ve been pulling some late nights this week in order to finish my travel essay for on the record….since i have an imac and pro tools at home – i worked on the editing in my pjs….didn’t get to bed till 2 or 3 in the morning. and then i had to go to work….i don’t mind the late nights – reminded me of my college years, when sleep was over-rated.

so…what i usually do on radio assignments – I have my imac set-up for editing. i also have a mic for the script and headphones to keep the it on the down-low for my roomies. these are studio headphones so i can barely here what’s goin’ on outside. gau told me about the noise reduction headphones he picked up and used on his way to spain. he said he read about how the airplane noise was one of the factors that led to travel exhaustion. anyways – in my dream, i was positioned at my imac, editing. i had no idea about the circus that was operating behind me. honestly, my friends were either doing clown acts, juggling…some did a few highwire acts. it was all quite funny. mark was juggling. i think i saw gau, or somebody who looked like him, being launched out of a cannon. at the imac, i couldn’t hear that circus theme song looping – and everyone moving to its beat. when i finished editing – i took off my headphones and turned around. i had a feeling that something took place behind my back. everyone disappeared – except for my roomie – jen. she was sleeping on the couch, with a white blanket covering her.

i fell asleep and dreamt about work

i fell asleep and dreamt about work

i made it to the gym last night!!!!!!!!!! yeah! yeah! yeah! I feel awsome! I feel great! It’s so amazing to have this back in my life again. I’m glad I didn’t give up….and I’m also quite happy they (the gym management) banned his sorry ass from the facility. So, I didn’t freak out, break down into tears…in fact, I think I passed as normal human being, through the gym doors and on my way to the locker room. yeah! yeah!

mark and i went over to the parkway to catch Charlie’s Angels: FULL THROTTLE. don’t expect an oscar masterpiece, people! This movie is all about the babes, the action, the kickbutting and smack downs, fashion, and girl power! Pizza and a glass of chardonay, topped off this evening.

it was like being on top of the world.

i also had a wierd dream last night. i was at work, doing laptop office hours. i guy brought in his “laptop” – it consisted of a yellow crate, with a hard drive, a video card, and a cd-rom (couldn’t tell if it was a CD-RW….but that’s beside the point) – somehoe attached with glue and duck tape. he wanted me to get this downloading tv and music software working on his machine. he said “i will be very disappointed with haas computing, if you can’t get this done.” remarkable, that insult didn’t bristle my skin, like it usually did in real life. so i got to work. i ejected the software from his cd-rom. he had several cd’s, stacked on top of each other, inside the drive. I asked him if he knew what he was doing and he said that’s how his system worked. he seemed so proud of this rag tag mess he lugged into the lab – as if it were state of the line. he also had a monitor with his “laptop” – i tried to browse the file system – but the monitor kept flashing tv images. apparently, he had his TV/video card plugged into a cable outlet. he said i should be able to work with the tv images – apparently, he did it all the time. i gave up working on it – and started asking him some technical questions. he didn’t read the manual for the software, didn’t care if it was illegal, and he got stumped when i asked him if he ran a compatibility test (i was actually talking about these tests with my co-workers, yesterday – apparently one of them installed xp on an old laptop, without checking for compatibility). he felt sheepish and said he’ll check with the manufacture of his “laptop”